


Coin Operated Boy

by bleedtoblue



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Light Angst, M/M, POV Duo Maxwell, Romance, Sappy, Yaoi, background 3x4, background 5xS, by BleedToBlue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-14 20:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13597767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedtoblue/pseuds/bleedtoblue
Summary: by BleedToBlueHeero loves Duo but he doesn't know it. Duo doesn't love Heero but he wants to be loved.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a plot bunny from Dacia; Not a song fic but that's where Dacia's idea came from. 
> 
> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

It was Monday. Work was boringly endless and endlessly boring, not that I was working. It was raining. I had paperwork that was breeding in my in-box. All my clothes were dirty. I needed to go to the grocery store. And the man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with had left me for some guy he met at a party. A party I'd thrown so my friends could all meet my new perfect guy. My personal life was in the toilet, again. The day was worse than bad. Did I mention I was depressed? I didn't want to think about it. I stared across my desk at Heero.  
  
I was watching Heero and thinking about his life because it beat hell out of thinking about my life. Heero's life is much different from mine (read better). Heero is in charge of his life, in control. Heero doesn't need other people, doesn't let anyone in. Heero isn't looking for love. He never takes risks, never opens himself up, never gets his heart ripped out and stomped flat. Ouch. I don't think Heero knows what being in love is; I don't think he's ever even considered it.  
  
Heero is my partner, and my friend. He's working away at some Preventer thing, tapping away on his laptop. Heero looks up and smiles at me. He calls me his best friend. And Heero is certainly the best friend I have. I'm not sure I'm such a good friend to Heero but I've never hurt him and never would. Heero's never hurt me, either. It's the people I fall in love with that hurt me. The ones that should love me back but they never do, not really. If they did, they wouldn't hurt me, right? If you love someone you don't leave them, that's what I think love is, a forever kind of thing.  
  
Heero is looking at me and I can read the expression on his face. We've been friends for a long time. We've been partners since we both joined the Preventers after the war ended. Heero always knows when something is bothering me, when something is wrong. But he won't ask, he'll just look at me with that patient face until I spill my guts. He'll listen and say, 'hn' in a comforting tone that means, 'you deserve better, Duo.' And he's right, I do. Don't I deserve to be happy? To be loved, cherished, cared for? To have someone of my own to love, to cherish, to care for?  
  
It's too bad I can't fall for someone like Heero. Someone solid, honest, and a bit predictable, at least to me. Someone who treats people right, Heero is never cruel for the sake of cruelty. I think Heero would make someone very happy. Heero's handsome, he's kind, he's loyal...that makes him sound like a Labrador Retriever which isn't what I meant. He's just not my type. I don't even know if he likes guys that way. I don't know if he likes anyone that way. I'm not sure what Heero's type is, I'm not sure Heero knows.  
  
Heero and Relena were a couple after the war, or everyone thought they were. It turned out it was mainly because Relena took advantage of Heero's friendship and sense of duty. Relena was in love with the idea of Heero. She didn't really know him. If she had she wouldn't have made that fatal mistake. If Relena had been willing to include me in her attempt to marry Heero it might have worked. But when she tried to make Heero go to Sanq, to leave the Preventers and me behind, Heero balked. I was his best friend he said, we were partners and he couldn't leave me behind. So Relena and Heero were over, just like that. Relena doesn't like me very much.  
  
Yeah, that's a little obsessive for friendship. But Heero is like that. He was willing to marry Relena out of friendship. But that wasn't enough for Ms. Peacecraft, she wanted it all, but Heero wasn't willing to abandon me. He's that kind of friend. And as much as I want Heero to be happy I'm glad he wasn't really in love with Relena. I'm glad he's still here as my friend and partner. I think Heero's happy to be here, too. But I really wish Heero could find someone to love.  
  
Since Relena there have been others. Heero never refers to them as more than friends. Eventually their desire for more than friendship makes them move on or move into the 'just friends' list. Sometimes I wonder if Heero's war experiences and his upbringing have made him a bit, well, socially retarded. That's probably not a fair description. He likes people, he enjoys going out, he seems to like physical contact although I'm not sure just how far he's interested in going. But hugs, friendly kisses are okay, and maybe more, maybe not. I'm a touchy feelie kind of guy and Heero's okay with that. But it's not the kind of thing we discuss. I'm not even sure if he likes guys or girls. He's not uncomfortable with me liking guys but we don't get too personal. If I say too much about my boyfriends, my lovers, Heero gets a real blank expression and I know he doesn't want to hear about it.  
  
Maybe emotionally stunted is the descriptive phase I'm looking for. Heero's emotional range is different. It's like he's not quite alive to all the possibilities. He can be happy and he gets sad but I don't think he ever experiences things like joy or despair. I'm living my life at either end of that spectrum, all too often at the despair end. Maybe Heero's lucky. Some days I don't think the pain is worth it.  
  
So I'm pretending to work and watching Heero, who's now watching me back. When it's time to go home and I'm dragging my feet cause I can't face my empty apartment Heero asks me if I want to grab a bite to eat. And why not? It's not like I have anything else to do, and sooner or later I'm going to have to tell Heero that the latest love-of-my-life has left me for someone else. Someone they'd been seeing for a month or so before I found out. Someone I introduced them too. The irony of it is not lost on me.  
  
We pick up take away because I don't really want to go out. I already know that the evening is going to be emotional; I'd rather do that at home. We finish eating, we're making small talk, and Heero brews coffee, we take it in to the living room and sit side by side on the sofa. Heero puts his hand on my shoulder and fixes me with that 'Look' that says, 'spill it' and I do. By the time I finish telling Heero the latest chapter of My Love Life Sucks and So Do I, and he's handed me tissues and awkwardly patted my shoulder, it's late. I'm still at Heero's place because I just can't face mine. Can't face the evidence of another failure.  
  
Heero puts fresh sheets on the bed in the guest room, which he refers to as 'your room, Duo' and makes me hot chocolate and looks like there's nothing he'd rather be doing than consoling me, again. This isn't the first time Heero's picked up pieces of Duo Maxwell and stuck them back together. I wish I could be sure it will be the last time. Heero is telling me that I'm welcome to stay with him as long as I want to and talking about things we could do this weekend and generally being a really good friend. Heero knows I was looking forward to the long weekend with that bastard who's now my ex.  
  
"You know I'm here for you, Duo." Heero tells me, and it makes me feel better to hear it. I wrap my arms around him in a hug and he lets me.  
  
Heero is a really great guy. Maybe someday he'll fall in love. I know when he does he won't screw up like I have. Heero will fall in love with someone who can appreciate him, someone who'll love him back. I think I almost feel a bit jealous at the thought. I let go of Heero and smile.  
  
I'm finishing the hot chocolate Heero made for me and thinking about Heero falling in love and having someone that's more important to him than me when I realize he's asking me a question.  
  
"So is that what you want to do, Duo?" Heero is staring at me, expectantly. I try to gather my wits about me and all I can do is grunt.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Do you want to go to the exhibit at the museum or go camping?" Heero asks patiently, reminding me that we are making plans for the weekend.  
  
I know Heero wants to do neither but has chosen both of them just because I like them. I'm saved from telling Heero that I really just want to crawl into a bottle and never come out by the ring of the vidphone. I could never tell Heero that, he'd get the sad look on his face and I'd feel like a heel.  
  
Quatre and Trowa are smiling out of the vidscreen. Tro's arm is draped over Quatre's shoulders and they look...happy...and in love. I'm pleased for them, I love them both but it makes my heart hurt. I'm glad for them, honest, but to see what they have and know I'm never going to share that with anyone, well, it hurts. A lot. And suddenly the realization that I'm really never going to find that and I don't even want to try again flattens me like a Gundam. I can't breath. I can hear Quatre's voice and hope he didn't feel that.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre is calling my name and has a frown on his face. I stick my smile back on my face and pay attention.  
  
"Sure Q that sounds good." I say. Now Heero is frowning at me and Quatre has a puzzled look. I wonder what it would be like to wake up to someone every morning, to hear 'I love you' last thing every night.  
  
I must have zoned out again because when I next notice Quatre is interrupting Heero's list of our plans for the weekend. "But you can go camping next weekend. Wufei and Sally won't be able to get away again before the wedding. Please come. You want to, don't you, Duo?" Quatre's eyes are large and pleading, Trowa has that expression that says 'what Q wants, Q gets, or I'll hurt you.' Even Heero looks at me, handing the decision off to me.  
  
'Great, gee thanks guys,' an opportunity to spend my few days off with the two sappiest couples this side of Mars. But I can't refuse Q much of anything, even when he's not backed up by Trowa's menacing smile. I know Heero wants to go and see the guys. Sap doesn't affect our Heero.  
  
"Sure, Quat, I'd love to. It will be great to see everyone." I don't lie but for my friends I can stretch the truth.  
  
He smiles with genuine pleasure and adds, "If you want to bring someone, Duo?" Quatre's invitation trails off and I see his eyes flick to Heero's face. Heero's expression is suddenly blank.  
  
"Thanks, Q. It'll just be me and Heero. Unless Heero wants to bring someone?" Now Heero and Quatre both look...odd.  
  
The moment passes, ...Quatre smiles, Trowa smiles, I check Heero's face and he has what passes for a smile on his face. Great, everyone's happy, everyone but me. I resign myself to a weekend in True Love Hell. After Quatre and Heero exchange information and plan the details (something to which I pay no attention) and have both signed off, Heero turns and looks at me.  
  
"You didn't have to go, Quatre would understand." He says quietly.  
  
"Hey, it's okay. I didn't want to give Trowa any reason to hunt me down and hurt me." And I smile, more to convince myself than Heero. Quatre would understand all too well and that would be worse.  
  
"Hn," says Heero. He doesn't call me baka anymore, at least not out loud, but sometimes I can tell he's thinking it. Like right now.  
  
"I'm tired, Heero. I'm going to turn in." I stand, stretch, and yawn.  
  
"Goodnight, Duo. If you need anything?" Heero turns and reaches for his laptop.  
  
"Sure Heero, thanks." And I go to bed, alone.  
  
I can't sleep. I lie there in the dark 'guest room' and think about my life. All the hopes I had after we survived the war. Hope for a real life, a decent job, one that doesn't involve killing people, friends, and being loved and in love.  
  
I hadn't done so badly, up to a point. My Preventer's job is good, sometimes dangerous, but I suspect Heero and I both need that. Sometimes I do have to kill people but only if they are trying to kill me or someone else. I have good friends, even a Best Friend. I have a place of my own, all by myself now. And that thought derailed my Pollyanna moment.  
  
Down the hall the water in the bathroom was running. Heero had finished on the computer and was getting ready for bed. I pictured him brushing his teeth, washing his face, running his fingers through his hair. He has a comb, I'm just not sure he uses it. I hear the door open and Heero walks softly down the hall, past my door. I know he's stopped and is just standing there.  
  
"Heero?" I call out.  
  
"Goodnight, Duo. Go to sleep."  
  
And eventually I do.  
  
+  
  
It's Thursday, Heero and I are working hard, right through lunch all week so we can take Friday off and have a four day weekend. We can get away with this because Heero, the perfect warrior is also the perfect Preventer. When Heero Yuy asks for time off Lady Une is not going to say 'no.' And of course if Heero takes a day off, so do I. We're a package deal. Besides, Heero doesn't trust anyone other than himself to cover me.  
  
I'm looking forward to four days away, even if it means I'll be subjected to my friends in love. You know how people in love are. It's not enough that they are in love, they want everyone else to share the joy. I'd like to, I really would. Quatre will ask what happened with the bastard and ooze empathy, he'll offer me advise and tell me about some great guy that he's invited to a party and he can't wait to introduce us. Trowa will tell me to be patient. WuFei and Sally will smile and say the perfect person is out there. I used to believe it. But I don't anymore. I think I don't believe in true love for Duo anymore. I don't think my happily ever after is out there. But I don't want to be alone.  
  
Our bags are packed, the reservations are made. We catch the early morning flight. Quatre offered to send a private plane but Heero overruled him. We board on time, take our seats, and Heero pulls out his laptop. I wake up when the pilot announces we are about to land. I realize I've been sleeping with my head on Heero's shoulder. I mumble an apology. Heero just grins at me.... grin.... a word not many people associate with Heero Yuy. I probably drooled on Heero's shoulder, he probably kept still the whole time so I could rest, and he grins at me. Rashid meets us at the luggage carrousel and drives us to Quatre's place.  
  
Quatre is at his office taking care of Winner Enterprises. Trowa meets us in the entryway, hugs us both, and invites us for a late breakfast. Someone scurries away with our bags and we follow Trowa out onto a covered deck where food is being set out. Life is good at the Barton-Winner house. Trowa fills us in on how they are, what they've been doing. He and Heero start to discuss something and I drift off thinking how it would be to have someone like Trowa in my life. I don't want Trowa but I want someone who cares about me the way Trowa cares about Quatre. Trowa loves Quatre, he watches out for him, and he needs him like he needs air to breathe. I want that. I want someone who's always there for me. The way Heero is always my friend, always there for me. Heero. Time slows down and the world sort of tilts on its axis. Heero.  
  
"Duo, is that okay with you?" Trowa's voice jerks me back to reality.  
  
"Sure, okay, that'll be great." I smile and then notice the smirks on Heero's and Trowa's faces. "Sorry, I wasn't listening, I guess. What did I just agree to?" I ask with more than a little trepidation.  
  
"You just agreed that you'd be happy to be Sally's maid of honor and that you'd look good in pink." The smirks intensified and they outright laughed when I scowled.  
  
"What were you thinking about Duo?" Heero was looking at me, a little worried I think.  
  
"Nothing Heero, I'm just tired. Think I'm going to have a nap before we meet Quatre." And I left them to their discussion. I needed to think. About Heero.  
  
+  
  
Quatre's place is really nice. That's like saying Quatre has a little money. He's stinkin' rich. I'm lying in a huge bed, staring at the high ceiling; light is streaming in the windows. I love Earth. I love real sunlight, and seeing the night sky. I'm stalling now. Color me confused. While I was watching Trowa and contemplating his relationship with Quatre something clicked for me, something about Heero. Something about relationships, about our relationship.  
  
Trowa supports Quatre by just being there, he never criticizes but he does tell Quatre what he thinks, he makes sure Quatre gets enough rest, and that he eats regularly, that he takes a break and does fun stuff. He's a rock for Quatre, always, and it makes Trowa happy to take care of Quatre, to be that support he needs, to be there for him. The way Heero is for me. Trowa loves Quatre. Does Heero love me? I feel that wobble again.  
  
I mean, I know Heero loves me, but is he in love with me, the way Trowa is in love with Quatre, the way WuFei loves Sally, the way I want someone to be in love with me? Does Heero even realize that he's in love with me? I don't think so. Heero may not understand love but he's honest about what he feels. I think it might disturb Heero to realize he's in love with his best friend, hell, it disturbs me a bit, okay a lot. And yet.... it feels good to know that someone feels that way about me. I'm so tired of getting hurt, tired of rejection, tired of being on the outside looking in. What would it be like if Heero accepted that he loved me and we were a couple. I played that fantasy in my mind for a while. Heero really focused on me, on making me happy, on loving me. I've been in relationships that were based on less.  
  
If Heero were really in love with me, if we were a couple, would it be so wrong? I would never hurt Heero, after all I do love him, and lots of relationships are based on less than friendship. I'd be good to Heero and Heero would love me. Maybe that's enough? I drift off to sleep thinking happy thoughts for a change. I dream about being loved, about strong arms holding me, warm mouth kissing mine. It's a good dream.  
  
Heero comes into my room to wake me up; Quatre is with him. They are discussing dinner and going out and Heero is telling Quatre that I don't really like French food and they decide on Italian. How sweet is that? Heero is always thinking about me. Quatre climbs onto the bed to wrap his arms around me and tell me how glad he is that we've come. Heero stands by the bed and looks pleased. I pat the empty spot on my other side and he looks alternately confused and then sort of happy. He carefully moves up from the end of the bed and kind of spoons up behind me. Quatre giggles, reaches across me and pats Heero. We lay there comfortable and content until Trowa comes to tell us that Quatre needs to eat something and that tea is being served on the deck. He pulls Quatre up off the bed and Heero makes to move away. I turn and give Heero a hug and thank him for bringing me, for taking care of me, for being my friend. I look in Heero's eyes and see...love. And god help me, I like it, I like it a lot.  
  
+  
  
The rest of the day goes smoothly. I am more than a little confused by my discovery. Heero is in love with me. I can't help but wonder for how long. Surely not during the war, although even then he tolerated things from me that he wouldn't have from anyone else. I mean, I shot him, twice, and he didn't kill me. He rescued me from an OZ prison when by rights he should have killed me. Looking back I see lots of incidences that in light of my belief that Heero is in love with me, make a strange sort of sense. Heero thinks of Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei as dear friends. He'd lay down his life for Relena, even now. But he doesn't live his life for them. Why hadn't I noticed before?  
  
Instead of self-destructing after the war he'd lived. I'd asked him to come back to me and he had, despite his training. Was that love? I was beginning to thing so. I wonder what this means. I don't love Heero as anything other than my friend. But I can't help but think about what kind of lover Heero would make. First of all, he's beautiful. Men and women all think so, always have. It's that killer glare and the complete lack of interest that keeps all but the most determined away. I think about Heero's body, sleek, hard, well muscled but not bulky. I think about his dark blue eyes staring into mine, how his mouth quirks up just a bit at the corners when he's amused, how his lips are full and wonder how they'd feel on mine.  
  
I wonder if Heero ever thinks about me that way. Does he think about anyone that way? I already know that Heero cares about me and takes good care of me. I wonder if the only reason he joined the Preventer's was to watch out for me. I wonder what Heero will think when he realizes he's in love with me. How am I going to get him to face up to it?  
  
I'm almost...almost...ashamed of what I'm thinking. But if Heero really does love me, and I think he does. Would it be wrong to let him, to give myself to him in exchange for that love? It's not like I'm planning on using him, not really. I'd be good to Heero, I'd be his, and he'd be mine. Someone who needed and wanted me. I do need Heero, I do want him, and I do love him, I'm just not in love with him. So it wouldn't be a lie to say "I love you, Heero." Not really. And I'd make Heero happy. I promise I will, and I never break my promise, not even to myself.  
  
+  
  
I spend the rest of the weekend feeling much better. I go out of my way to be nice to Heero, not that it's hard to be nice to Heero. I don't argue when he tries to do things for me. I ask his opinion. I do things that I know he likes. When we go dancing I sit at the table with him and don't dance with any of the strangers that try to entice me out on the floor. I let my knee rest against Heero's under the table. I catch him looking at me when he thinks I'm watching Quatre and Trowa on the dance floor, he looks a little confused but happy.  
  
Quatre spends a lot of time just looking at us beaming. I'm guessing he's known about Heero's feelings for me for a long time and now he knows I've figured it out too. Quatre likes all his friends to be happy. I hope he doesn't ask me if I'm in love with Heero. I don't lie and it's tough to fool Quatre, hard to avoid telling him the truth. He knows me too well. But I can honestly say Monday when we leave for the airport that I'm very glad we came. Heero looks glad too, and on the way home I drop my head on his shoulder and sleep contentedly.  
  
+  
  
During the week I think about what I should do next. I start looking at advertisements for new apartments. Heero wants to know what's wrong with my old one and I tell him, truthfully, that it has lots of bad memories. I tell him I'm thinking of getting a roommate. He knows I don't like living alone. He says exactly what I hoped he would. He offers to share his apartment with me, after all, he says, the extra room has always been mine. I wonder if that's why he got a two-bedroom apartment in the first place? I spend my evenings packing my stuff and over the weekend Heero helps me move in to his, no, our apartment. For the first time in a long time coming home is a good thing. Heero smiles a lot. We're both happy, it can't be wrong, can it?  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by BleedToBlue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Things Change.  
  
It's Monday again, funny how it rolls around, funny how suddenly Mondays are not so hideous. My laundry is done for a change and there's food in the fridge. Life with Heero is different, better. Work is still boring, paperwork is still multiplying in my in-box but at least we have a mission. No, sorry. I have a mission. We have a case.  
  
My mission objective is hard at work doing research for our new case. Heero is sitting at his desk and no surprise, is tapping away on his computer. I never noticed before how Heero tilts his head a bit when he's working on something. His eyes are focused on the screen and as I watch they narrow and widen ever so minutely. Heero's eyes are blue, very blue, and very intense. He suddenly flicks his eyes at me and I notice they soften just a bit. I wonder if they've always done that.  
  
"Why are you staring at me, Duo?" Heero looks surprised, like he never caught me staring at him before. Maybe he hadn't, Heero watching is part of my new mission. It's turning out to be a pleasant part, Heero is very easy on the eyes. Heero is a handsome man; I knew that, I guess I'd never thought about it. Heero was my friend and you didn't look at friends like that, right?  
  
"I like looking at you, Heero." I answer with a smile. He blinks; I don't think he was expecting that. "How's the research coming?" I add so that he doesn't have too much time to think about me looking at him. He switches back to thoughts of work and we discuss crime and criminals and the moment is forgotten. Later I notice him looking at me like he's seeing something unexpected but welcome. I keep my face blank but inside I'm smiling.  
  
Our new case is pretty routine. Someone is selling drugs and using the money to finance what may be a new terrorist group. Not unusual but the scope is pretty big and it appears that it's been successfully hidden for sometime. Which smells like some one in power has helped cover it up. So it's a job for the Preventers. Right now we're just involved in research, Heero's doing his computer voodoo. My job is to look for how they are bringing the stuff in, running checks on shipping logs; boring, routine stuff that leaves me lots of time for my mission. Mission Heero.  
  
It's true that Heero is usually the one with the mission and maybe it would be more correct to say my mission is to create one for Heero. That mission will be Loving Duo. It won't be hard; I think he already does love me, correction I think he's in love with me. He just doesn't know it. I want him to know, I want Heero to love me, be in love with me. The thought of a focused, mission-oriented Heero, when I'm the mission is...intimidating, exhilarating, intoxicating. All that intensity, all of the intellect, the desire for perfection.... all for me. I suddenly feel giddy. Heero never does anything half way. I wonder what sort of lover Heero will be?  
  
"Do you feel alright? Your face is awfully red." Heero looks concerned. I feel my face get hotter; I'm embarrassed, caught thinking hentai thoughts about Heero. I'm glad he can't read my mind.  
  
"I'm fine, I uh, I need, uh air." I'm stammering and stuttering like a fool because I had a sudden vision of Heero focusing those intense blue eyes on me and leaning down to kiss me. I see Heero's lips, slightly open, just the hint of his tongue. A shot of Heero's very capable hands moving over my body; sliding down my skin follows. I look at Heero. I grab some files off my desk and practically run out of the office to the men's room, hoping Heero didn't notice what I was trying to cover with my manila folders. I hide in a stall and think about cold showers, filling out forms in triplicate, Relena naked. That always helps.  
  
Back at the apartment I have my mind firmly on my plan. I cook something Heero likes for dinner and it's his turn to do the dishes but I offer to dry. We stand together in the kitchen, not talking but it's the nice kind of silence. I dry the last dish and put it away. Heero is leaning against the sink and watching me. I raise my arms and stretch, I put a little extra into it because Heero is looking at me. His expression is ...attentive. He's looking at me like he hasn't quite seen me before. I do not smirk, at least not on the outside.  
  
I grab Heero's arm and pull him into the living room to watch a movie. We flop on the couch and I lean on Heero like always. I snuggle against him and he goes very still, I wait and he relaxes against me. We watch the movie; it's an old horror flick. We make fun of the dialogue and I fall asleep before it's over, as usual. As I drift off I feel Heero's arm settle softly around my shoulders. I think Heero is starting to notice.  
  
+  
  
"Who is that man and what have you done with the real Heero?" Quatre is hugging me hello and whispering fiercely into my ear. Heero greeted both Quatre and Trowa with welcoming hugs and even kissed Quatre on the cheek. Trowa is still standing there blinking at a smiling Heero. WeFei was even more shocked earlier, while Sally grinned and winked at me. We're all together for WuFei's and Sally's wedding. It's being held at a nice hotel in the city and we're all staying there. They are seeing the new and more affectionate Heero, the Heero who has decided that hugs and kisses between friends are a good thing. I think so, too.  
  
"It's nice isn't it?" I answer Quatre blandly. "Heero looks great in that shirt, doesn't he? Wait until you see him in his tux." Quatre's attention is easily shifted by fashion thoughts. "Trowa looks wonderful, too." If clothes didn't distract him it was a cinch that looking at Trowa and imagining him in a tux would get his mind off Heero. Quatre's eyes run over Trowa and I laugh.  
  
Heero is relaxed and almost social. He's always been most comfortable around his fellow pilots but over the last few months he's changed. Quatre and I have always been physical, touchers, huggers, kissers. I've always included Heero in this but he was stiff, uncomfortable. Lately he seems to enjoy it, maybe even invite it. Our friends seem very aware of the difference. When Heero comes to stand next to me, casually placing an arm over my shoulders, I think Quatre's eyes are going to fall out of his head. After that they all watch us closely, I see the wheels turn in their heads.  
  
Trowa and Heero are making plans for later on and they exchange room numbers. I wait for Quatre to realize that Heero and I are sharing a room. We have two beds but he doesn't know that yet. Trowa doesn't make any sign that he is surprised but Q's eyes widen for a moment when it hits him. I know they will all discuss what it might mean when we are not there. It makes perfect sense for us to share; it was Heero's suggestion. It made me smile when he said he'd book a room for 'us'.  
  
We are having a practice run for the wedding. WuFei and Sally are finally tying the knot and all four of us are standing up for WuFei. Heero is actually the best man; Tro, Q, and I are groomsmen. Sally teases she had to beat off bridesmaids' volunteers with a stick when they found out the Gundam boys were in the wedding party. Lady Une overhears, snorts in disgust and says Sally had to bribe her bridesmaids' because no woman wants to stand next to such pretty boys.  
  
Lady Une is also looking at Heero and me in a way that makes me think I'll be seeing the inside of her office before long. Preventers' have rules about partners; but I'll let Heero handle that, if it becomes necessary. The office gossip must be spreading.  
  
It's been a little over three months since Heero and I went to visit Quatre and I had my vision of how life could be. My plan is coming along quite nicely thank you. If Heero wasn't in love with me before I'm pretty sure he is now. And if the look in his eye is any indication he's definitely thinking about me in 'that kind of way.' I'm just not sure if it's kicked over into Heero's conscious mind. I think that here, with our friends and love in the air is when Heero and I are going to have a little talk. A talk about love.  
  
The last few months with Heero have been great. Heero seems really happy. We spend a lot of time together. If it were any other two people I'd say we were dating but mostly it's me getting Heero adjusted to the idea of us being together. People at work are starting to speculate. Heero is oblivious to it all but I notice. After this weekend maybe even Heero will notice. Our friends certainly are beginning to.  
  
\+ Heero has noticed that I'm not going out. I don't realize it until something happens at work. A guy who'd been giving me a bit of a rush before I started seeing the bastard is asking me out again. For coffee, or drinks, or a movie or something, he persists, one of those who doesn't take 'no' well. I turn him down. I wasn't interested before, not interested now.  
  
He comes into my office when Heero is in a meeting with Lady Une. I'm sitting down at the computer when suddenly this guy is leaning over me, smirking and he's just way too close. I'm counting to ten because I don't want to lose my temper and cause a scene when suddenly he disappears and I hear a thud and a growl. Heero is back from his meeting and has handled it. I think that's when people at the office started to get ideas.  
  
The dust has settled and the bodies cleared away, Heero is staring at his computer screen and looking stormy. I think he's waiting for me to yell at him.  
  
"You know, Heero," I say calmly, "I could have handled that guy." Heero's face gets dark. "But thanks for taking care of him." Heero's face shifts into sunlight. I wait for the 'hn.' It doesn't come.  
  
"I thought he was trying to kiss you." He blurts out, still not looking at me. "Did you want him too?" Oh, Heero. The thunderclouds are back.  
  
"No, Heero, I don't want him to kiss me." I see Heero breathe and the look on his face takes my breath.  
  
"Good. It's inappropriate at the office." Heero is worried about my virtue. I feel...I feel.....nice. Heero's concern makes me feel...loved. "Duo, I noticed you haven't been...seeing anyone, you don't go out on dates anymore." Heero is looking uncomfortable.  
  
"Are you trying to get rid of me, Yuy?" I ask in a light tone. "I'm happy with the friends I have." Heero just blinks and doesn't have anything else to say. It's a good moment. Heero doesn't talk about it anymore but later at home he asks me what I'd like to do this weekend. When we sit down to watch movies I get an awkward hug and later a shy good night kiss on the cheek. I feel that kiss for a very long time. Somehow it means more than the most passionate kiss I ever received from any lover.  
  
+  
  
I'm sure Quatre and Trowa have heard rumors because the Preventers are a small, tight group. WuFei and Sally will have told them if nothing else. I'm waiting for someone with less tact that Quatre *coughWuFeicough* to bring it up and at the rehearsal dinner I'm rewarded for my patience. "Maxwell, what is this nonsense that I hear about you and Yuy dating?"  
  
I smile and pretend ignorance, which is easy because WuFei is convinced of my idiocy. "Where did you hear that, Wuffie?" Make him mad and distract him.  
  
"Duo." Uh, oh, first names. There is an implied threat in his tone and a steely look on his face, which suddenly softens, and I am caught off guard. "Duo, are you and Heero a couple?" Never underestimate WuFei; he goes right for the jugular.  
  
"We aren't dating, we aren't sleeping together." I answer truthfully, hoping the mention of 'sleeping together' will shock WuFei into forgetting what he wants me to tell him.  
  
It doesn't work. WuFei has hold of my arm and leans in close speaking quietly into my ear. "Heero is not like your other conquests, you can't just toss him aside when you are done." WuFei is intense. "I don't want either of you to get hurt." Oh, 'Fei, you like me, you really like me.  
  
"Heero is my best friend, I would never hurt him." I look in 'Fei's eyes. "On my honor." WuFei lets go of my arm. I am left blinking in surprise as WuFei walks away. But I have to think about what he said. Heero is different; it's not a game with Heero. I think about what WuFei called my 'conquests' I never told those people I loved them. I didn't love them. I don't feel really well right now.  
  
+  
  
The rehearsal goes badly, there were children involved, evidently the ring bearer and the flower girl don't get along. I am told that having trouble at the rehearsal is a good thing. I don't pretend to understand weddings. The tux fittings are acceptable, I look good in black and Heero looks good in anything. There's to be a small bachelor party for WuFei tonight but it's not going to be one of those wild, drunken things with skimpily clad women. WuFei would simply die, and yes, it's tempting but I'm not going to do it. I'm hoping no one else does either 'cause I'd get blamed. There hasn't been time for Q to corner me and have a heart-to-heart but I'm just waiting for it.  
  
We go back to our room. Heero is sitting on his bed waiting for me. I'm in the bathroom changing for dinner with the guys. There's a knock, Heero answers the door and it's Quatre. Heero picks up his jacket and says he'll meet us in the bar. I don't know why he's running, must be the look on Q's face. I pick up a brush and start smoothing out my hair. Quatre moves in behind me, takes the brush from my hand, and brushes quietly for a few moments. I'm just watching him in the mirror, waiting for it; I enjoy the sensation of having someone I trust touch my hair. Quatre puts the brush down and starts braiding. It's not like Quat to take so long getting to the point. He comes to the end of my braid, and I hand him a hair band.  
  
"Thanks, Q." I offer. He fingers the end of my braid and then hands it back solemnly. "It's not like you to be at a loss for words. Are you mad about something?" I ask, the lengthy silence has unnerved me. Quatre finally looks at me and I only see concern on his face.  
  
"I'm worried about you. I'm worried about Heero." At least he hasn't asked me any questions I can't answer.  
  
"I think Heero is really happy. I'm happy. What's wrong with that." Quatre's face smoothes out but he doesn't smile.  
  
"Heero loves you, he has for a long time." Being proved right is somehow unsettling. I feel butterflies in my stomach.  
  
Quatre continues, "Heero's happy right now, but what will he do when you aren't there anymore. I know you care about Heero but I don't know exactly what you feel for him." Quatre takes a deep breath, " Heero may take a while to figure out how he feels but he's not stupid, Duo. And he deserves someone who loves him as much as he loves them. Everyone does." I don't know what to say.  
  
I want to reassure Quatre. I want to tell him to mind his own business. I want to ask him if I don't deserve to be loved, to be happy the way he is. I want to say 'I love Heero.' I don't want it to be a lie. So I say the only thing I can. "I promise, I won't hurt Heero." Quatre doesn't seem to be reassured.  
  
"If you aren't in love with him, eventually he will get hurt. Duo, I want..." The phone rings and I rush to answer it. It's Trowa, WuFei is downstairs and they are waiting for us. I can tell Quatre isn't satisfied but we have to leave. For now I've escaped. Well, I've escaped from Quatre; it's not so easy to escape from myself. What if Quatre is right?  
  
+  
  
WuFei's bachelor party is dinner at a nice restaurant in a private room, just the five of us. We tease WuFei about Sally but not too much. WuFei is pleased and happy and in love. I know about his first marriage and imagine it was much different. He mourned Meiran for a long time, he fought in her name, he deserves happiness now. I am happy for him, we all are. And we all like Sally. After dinner over coffee we reminisce a bit about funny things that happened when we stayed in safe houses, odd things that we found difficult or amusing after the war, we talk about how normal our lives sometimes seem. It's good to be here with them.  
  
Heero, WuFei and Quatre start discussing Preventers, politics and some new law or other. I walk across to a window that looks out over the city. We are several stories up and it is a beautiful view. Trowa comes to stand beside me. I know what's coming.  
  
"How are things these days, Duo?" Trowa asks and I think he means, 'how is Heero and what-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are-doing?' Because that's basically what WuFei and Quatre have asked, in their own way of course.  
  
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking." I say, a little tired of our friends' concern. I'm starting to feel a wee bit touchy about it. A little voice in my head asks if I'm feeling guilty. I don't answer.  
  
"Heero seems...good." Trowa adds. "Happy." He looks out the window and takes a sip of the drink in his hand. I wish I had a drink but don't want to walk away to get one. I don't want Trowa to think I'm running away. Running and hiding don't seem like an option right now. I wonder why I feel so defensive. I'm not hurting anyone; I'm not going to hurt anyone. This is as much for Heero as for me. I realize Trowa is watching my face like he can read the internal dialogue I'm having.  
  
"Yes, Heero is good. Are you going to warn me off too?" I could just bite my tongue. But the words are already out. Trowa looks at me as if he doesn't understand.  
  
"Why would I do that, Duo? You're happy, Heero is happy. Why would I want to interfere?" Trowa seems genuinely puzzled. I feel relieved. I realize I'm smiling so hard my face hurts.  
  
"WuFei and Quatre have already read me the riot act. They seem to think Heero needs protection from me." I notice how resentful I sound. I'm not sure where it's coming from. "They seem to think I'm using Heero, that being around me is bad for him."  
  
"You and Heero are able to decide things for yourselves. They are concerned about their two good friends. We all want you to be happy." Trowa looks over at Quatre who is still engaged in his conversation. I notice Heero is looking in our direction.  
  
"I am happy." I say fiercely. It comes out sounding not very happy. What does that word mean anyway. Why is it so important? I want not to feel empty. I want not to feel alone. I want someone who cares about me, someone who won't leave. I suddenly notice that Trowa has moved away and is blocking Quatre's and Wufei's view and that Heero is standing next to me with a worried look on his face, with concern in his eyes. Concern for me, concern and yes, love. I suddenly relax and smile, and I don't feel alone.  
  
Later in the room we are lying in the dark, I'm thinking about how it felt to see that look on Heero's face, how it made me feel, warm and sort of overwhelmed. I'm trying not to think about the body of Heero Yuy lying just across the narrow space between our beds. I can hear his soft even breathing, I'm not sure if he's asleep. I can almost imagine I feel the heat from his body. For just a moment I contemplate getting up and sliding into bed with Heero, lying against him in the dark, feeling his warmth, the way his chest rises and falls, letting his breath ghost over my skin. I fall asleep listening to the comforting sound of Heero breathing.  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by BleedToBlue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Heero and I don't talk about being in love at Wufei's wedding. The wedding is beautiful, Sally cries, Quatre cries, okay, yes, I cry, too. Wufei looks proud, and very, very happy. I'm starting to hate that word. Heero stands next to me in the receiving line and is so handsome in his tux I can hardly take my eyes off him. We sit at a table at the reception and watch Sally and Wufei dance. Later I dance with Sally who looks very beautiful, as all brides should. Trowa dances with Quatre, Quatre is glowing. I watch as Trowa bends down and catches Quatre's mouth in a kiss. I see love on their faces, the real thing, not pretend. I look at Heero and he is watching too, he has a look I can't decipher on his face. When he turns to me his smile is a little sad I think. Quatre is right. Heero deserves better than me, he deserves someone who can really love him.  
  
Things are not the same after the wedding. I blame it on my interfering friends. I blame it on my guilty conscience. I feel like a hungry kid who's looking through the window while other people sit inside a warm room and eat good food. I know what that's like first hand. To have what you want, what you need, right in front of you and you can't have it. I want Heero to love me and need me. And he does, and suddenly, I'm having doubts.  
  
When I was a kid I thought that I'd done something so bad that my parents sent me away. I know now that I was probably orphaned by the war and that whatever happened to me wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong, didn't deserve what happened to me. But inside that kid is still there and he shows up at the most inopportune times to whisper in my ear. 'You can't have that, you don't deserve that. You must have done something wrong.' I know it's not right to make Heero love me and to pretend I love him, but I want it. I want it.  
  
I have nightmares in the weeks after the wedding. Haven't had those in a long time. Not the loud screaming kind thank goodness, so Heero doesn't know. But they wake me up and I can't go back to sleep. Pretty soon I try to avoid going to sleep until I'm so tired I don't dream. I know I look like hell and I'm exhausted. Heero doesn't say anything but I notice him watching me when he thinks I'm not looking.  
  
Heero starts insisting that we take his car to work. I fall asleep on the way home everyday, one day I wake up and realize he's driving around so that I can sleep longer. I ask why and he says I look tired. I want to cry because it is so sweet. Instead I yell at him for being stupid. I get out of the car and walk home. When I get there Heero is waiting for me in the living room. I walk past without a word, go into my room and shut the door. I lie on my bed and wonder what is wrong with me.  
  
In the morning I apologize to Heero, I tell him that I've been having nightmares and not sleeping well. I tell him I appreciate all the things he does for me. That I'm glad he's my Best Friend. I don't think Heero looks happy anymore. Heero should have someone to love him, someone who can really return his love. On the way to work Heero says we need to talk. It's Friday but it feels a lot like Monday.  
  
At work the surveillance team report says that our drug runners have received a new shipment. Heero has tracked down the warehouse where they will trade the drugs for credits. We are hoping that the size of the shipment means that the bosses will be there to supervise. We hope to round up a major portion of the gang. I forget that I am exhausted. I forget that Heero has said we need to talk. We put on our protective vests, check our weapons and roll out.  
  
Things go like a text-book case. The bad guys are not stupid but they have made stupid mistakes, over confident. We take the outer guards and break in to the warehouse shouting 'Preventers, hands up.' It's like a bad movie script but it does seem to work. Most of them do the smart thing and throw down their weapons.  
  
One has managed to hide behind some boxes and panics when we see him as we are taking the other guys out. He brings up his gun and aims right at Heero who can't see him. Time moves very slowly. I throw myself at Heero as I shout for him to drop. I really don't mean to throw myself in front of a bullet. I meant to simply knock Heero down and take us both out of the way. As I feel the bullets hit I think that it is a good thing to die for Heero. My head seems to explode and then the world goes dark.  
  
I'm not dead. Of course not, I had on a vest. My head hurts quite a lot. My chest hurts. My vision is fuzzy although the lights are very bright. I can hear someone shouting but I can't make out what they are saying. They are very loud and it makes my head pound. I wonder where Heero is. I slide back into unconsciousness.  
  
When I wake up again the room is quiet, and not so bright. My head throbs and my chest aches. My throat is dry and my lips feel tight. I want to ask for water but only a raspy noise comes out. Quatre's face comes into view. His eyes are red and he looks like hell. I think that probably I do too. Q says something and doesn't seem to expect me to understand or answer. He disappears, reappears, and I feel something cold and wet in my mouth. Ice chips. Cold beer would be better but I'm not going to be picky. He smears something soothing on my lips and then more ice chips.  
  
I think I love Quatre, maybe he will leave Trowa for me, we could get married. I try to smile at him but nothing works. Quatre is talking and his words are starting to make sense. "...can't believe you did that. Heero is so angry at...." Maybe I don't want to marry Quatre after all. He thinks I'm stupid and Heero is mad at me. See if I try to save his life again. Q is still talking but I close my eyes and sleep takes me again.  
  
Quatre is gone when I wake up again but Heero is there. I quickly close my eyes again. I don't want to see the anger in his eyes. "I know you're awake." Heero growls. I slit my eyes just enough to see that Heero has moved to the side of the bed. He has a cast on one wrist. Great, I managed to get myself shot and break Heero's wrist. Life is perfect; it must be Monday. I let go of consciousness. I sleep and dream of breeding paperwork.  
  
It is Monday. The botched raid was on Friday and I've been unconscious since then. The bullets didn't do too much damage; just deep bruises and cracked ribs. When I took Heero down I managed to slam my head into a support beam and bounce it off the concrete floor. The doctors don't seem to think there will be any permanent damage but I have a hell of a headache and while the vest saved my life the impact points of the bullets are painful and my chest is one big bruise.  
  
When I'm finally allowed up I find it hard to keep the room from spinning and I move like an old, broken man. Heero is furious with me. It is a curious reaction from a man who'd attempted to self-destruct. Twice. Oh, and he is mad about his wrist, too. Go figure.  
  
Monday afternoon and I am awake. Heero sits beside me glowering. Quatre and Trowa have come in, also frowning. After saying hello Trowa takes Heero out for something to eat and I'm left alone with Quatre. I have been feigning sleep and pain without too much effort in an attempt to avoid conversation with Heero. I don't think it's going to work with Quatre. I think we are about to finish the conversation we started at the wedding. I hope I am wrong. I'm not. Quatre isn't frowning anymore, he looks embarrassed.  
  
"Duo, I owe you an apology." He starts out, and I rush to interrupt.  
  
"No, no apologies. It's okay, Q, I understand." I keep talking hoping he will just let it drop. "Hey if I'd known Heero was going to be so mad about it I wouldn't have pushed him out of the way." Quatre looks at me and appears to be annoyed.  
  
"Heero isn't angry, he's scared, and worried about you. He thought it was very 'careless of you' was his exact phrase." I can't help the warm feeling that floods over me at Quatre's words. Heero is worried about me. I know I have to do the right thing, even if it hurts.  
  
"You were right, Q. About Heero. I can't do this anymore. Heero needs someone who really loves him. He shouldn't have to settle for me." Quatre closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, he looks stressed. Then he sighs.  
  
"Heero thinks you love him. Are you telling me that you don't?"  
  
I don't know what to say. I thought Quatre would be pleased to hear that I'd come to my senses, that I wasn't going to take advantage of Heero being in love with me.  
  
"Duo, why do you think that you leaving would be the best thing for Heero? You know he loves you." Quatre is speaking to me slowly and enunciating clearly, like he is speaking to a not-too-bright-child. Maybe he thinks I've got brain damage from the bumps on my head.  
  
I nod my head because I still don't know quite what he wants me to say. Nodding is a very bad idea. The room dips and spins. It adds a new dimension to the sick feeling I'm getting from this discussion. I close my eyes hoping the movement and Quatre will both go away. I feel a cool cloth on my face. Quatre is still here. I open my eyes and the room doesn't move. Quatre is waiting for an answer. I know Trowa can't keep Heero away for very long. Another discussion looms and as much as I hate this one, I'm not looking forward to the one with Heero.  
  
"Duo." Quatre's voice snaps me back to the present. "Why, Duo?" 'Why?' Because it isn't right, because Heero deserves better, because Heero's feelings matter more than mine. Because.... I can't go any farther than, I can't think it through. Quatre is still waiting for an answer. I would like to disappear.  
  
"I don't know. It doesn't matter. I give up." My voice comes out sort of high pitched, like a wail. I sound like a hysterical fool. "You were right. I'm not good enough." It shouldn't be this hard.  
  
I take a deep breath and continue in a more rational manner, make my voice sound like I'm in control "I've thought about what you all said." Quatre winces at that, maybe he didn't know that Wufei and Trowa had 'had a talk' with me, too. "Heero needs someone who loves him."  
  
"And you don't love him.? " Quatre is damned persistent.  
  
"I..." I love Heero; I'm not in love. No.  
  
"You want what's best for him?" Relentless Quatre.  
  
"I..." I want Heero to be happy. There's that damned word again.  
  
"And you'd give up being with Heero, even though he loves you?" I hate Quatre. I wish he'd just go away.  
  
"We were worried about both of you Duo, not just Heero. You deserve to be in love and have that love returned, too." Maybe I don't hate Quatre.  
  
Why do I want to let Heero go? I'm tired and it's hard to think. I don't want to think. Leave me alone. Persistent, annoying Quatre, damn him. I do hate him.  
  
"I..." Heero's feelings matter more than mine. Heero's needs are more important than mine. My head aches but Quatre is nodding encouragingly at me. He's doing that thing with his eyes. If I get the answer right he'll go away and I can sleep and not have to think about this. I want to whine, 'leave me aloooonnne.' Quatre is still looking at me. I try again.  
  
"I..." I love Heero. Yes, that feels right. I'm in love with Heero. I stare at Quatre in amazement. He is smiling. I think I said that last part out loud. The part about being in love with Heero. I say it again because I like the way it sounds. Quatre is laughing quietly.  
  
"I'm an idiot." I say that out loud, too. Heero and Trowa come in and hear me. Heero agrees with me vehemently and proceeds to yell at me for 'stupidly endangering my life' by throwing myself 'in front of a maniac with a gun.' I am grinning like a fool through the whole lecture. When Heero stops to catch his breath I pull him down for a kiss. When we come up for air Trowa and Quatre are gone.  
  
"I love you." I tell Heero. I want to say it a lot. I repeat it. I like the way it sounds. Heero seems to like it, too.  



	4. original plot bunny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this my (dacia's) original plot bunny for this fic

** >> Coin Operated Boy **(see lyrics below)  
I'm almost positive this will be considered sacrilege in certain circles. *as if she cares* *heh...*  
  
main character: Duo  
  
type: thoughtful sap? existential moralism? wistful angst?  
pairings _\--_ 2x1... in a way...  
post EW  
yaoi  
  
plot: not settling, never settling, but making.  
  
general idea: Duo is sick of love. He needs to need and be needed, but everyone he's tried to connect with has hurt him or been hurt by him (nothing new under the sun, eh?) Heero is lost-soldier!Heero _\---_ lost and alone and totally not understanding, comprehending, or exploring his own humanity, mostly cuz he doesn't have the 1st clue how. He is most comfortable with the one person who has never once treated him like he was a killing machine _\---_ Duo (duh. god, this is rote, huh...). His feelings for him border on obsession, not because he is actually 'obsessed', but because there's no one else who sees what he might be. Duo, after years have passed, suddenly realizes, quite incidentally, that Heero loves him. Truly. Deeply. Though he also recognizes that Heero doesn't know. Duo does not love Heero. He likes him, is fond of him, but doesn't love him. But he sees an opportunity. Here's this beautiful man (inside and out, mind you) who's geared to follow a mission, in love with him. What could be the harm in molding Heero into the perfect lover _\---_ someone who cares and supports and loves and understands. He manipulates Heero into being what he wants him to be, but never maliciously or hurtfully, and he never fails to take Heero's own feelings and nature into account. And he pretends to love Heero until, eventually, he does. Heero never discovers what Duo has done _\---_ he is happy (and, more importantly?, growing as a person). Duo comes to terms with what he has done _\---_ he is happy (and finally figuring what Love really is).  
  
[ **note** : the song is very bitter (women, ne?)(that's a joke. laugh.) the fic should maybe start out that way, but Heero... he isn't plastic, now is he. He can love _back_ , and by the end it really is Love. ]  
  
[ **note 2** : I say in the above... muddle that Duo always takes Heero's feelings into acct. But he _is_ only human. There should be a point in the beginning when he _doesn't_ think of Heero, when he's just being selfish. But he should also realize that it is wrong, and that being selfish will only hurt everyone involved. ]  
  
bunny wranglers: BleedToBlue _\--_ [ sept 05 ]

*~*~*~*~*

coin operated boy (The Dresden Dolls)  
  
coin operated boy  
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy  
but i turn him on and he comes to life  
automatic joy  
that is why i want a coin operated boy  
  
made of plastic and elastic  
he is rugged and long-lasting  
who could ever ever ask for more  
love without complications galore  
many shapes and weights to choose from  
i will never leave my bedroom  
i will never cry at night again  
wrap my arms around him and pretend....  
  
coin operated boy  
all the other real ones that i destroy  
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll  
never let him go and i'll never be alone  
not with my coin operated boy......  
  
this bridge was written to make you feel smittener  
with my sad picture of a [boy] getting bitterer  
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy  
i didn't think so but i'm still convinceable  
will you persist even after i bet you  
a billion dollars that i'll never love you  
will you persist even after i kiss you  
goodbye for the last time  
will you keep on trying to prove it?  
i'm dying to lose it...  
i want it  
i want you  
i want a coin operated boy.  
  
and if i had a star to wish on  
for my life i can't imagine  
any flesh and blood could be his match  
i can even take him in the bath  
  
coin operated boy  
he may not be real experienced with [boys]  
but i know he feels like a boy should feel  
isn't that the point that is why i want a  
coin operated boy  
with his pretty coin operated voice  
saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me  
straight and to the point  
that is why i want  
a coin operated boy.


End file.
